“Ravengard’s Rack”

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Composed on the spot by Grim in an attempt to win an audience with goddess Lliira, almost immediately after departing from the man, Lliira went on to ensure the spread of the jaunty drinking song all over the Sword Coast, and most importantly, to the nearby port city of Baldur’s Gate.

A lad I know, he broke an oath
and that is all and well
The problem is his promise broke
got his arse sent straight to hell
The problem here I will spell out,
so if I could be so blunt:
The demon what who changed my boy,
that demon is a cunt!

His patron tells him falsehoods:
“Here's a lass you need to kill,”
But when he tells her “sod off”,
it seems like curtains for our Wyll.
A righteous man, a clause writ cold—
What was our boy to do?
We'll work on that right here and now
Mizora, HERE'S TO YOU!

So stamp your feet and clap your hands
that he refused the whore’s demands.
She thought she went and laid a curse,
she thought she went and made his worse.
But what she dinn’t know, that skank,
with cruelties sharp and thorny,
is Ravengard’s no worse for wear!
His horns just make us horny!

A bint dumber than sow’s breath
likely you have never seen,
until you've laid your eyes on her
(you know she fancies herself keen)
But thinking it would scare folk off,
she made a man a devil.
Well don't you know we're reprobates,
that sight just makes us revel!

His breeches are the snuggest
and his sword arm’s right and true.
The Duke might have had him exiled,
but his blood's still bright and blue.
This crafty boy, he soul his soul
to save a hundred more,
But if he’d just riposte my way,
Gods, I'd be his favorite whore.

So stamp your feet and clap your hands
that he refused the whore’s demands.
She thought she went and laid a curse,
she thought she went and made his worse.
But what she dinn’t know, that skank,
with her cruelties sharp and thorny,
is Ravengard’s no worse for wear!
His horns just make us horny!
His horns just make us horny~!